BlogEntryNo342

as it is.

gloomy. 

despite bright sunny weathers, clear blue skies and absolute detest for malaysian weather,(i hate hot shines yet i hate cold chills.the irony) i felt gloomy and pain as i dragged my lazy bum out of bed. it's all over, and i couldnt have been more relieved that i can finally breathe. As much complaining as i have done, i actually miss the running around, and getting things done. Contradicting myself. All the aching and frustration finally went into full action as we prepared our last few hours before Unifest kicked off at 630. I ran around making sure everything was in place like a headless chicken since 9 in the morning and till 2am the day before. All the pain in my legs, sweat, and lack of sleep - i complained. But still, i actually do miss it.

I felt gloomy around uni today because things are back to normal. So maybe, every once in a while, i love doing something different, to get excited over your hardwork, and to be part of something. Something huge. I don't know if im really suited for things like these, event managements and being in the planning committee; im still far from being proud of what i did yesterday at the concert or even handling things in the unifest committee but at least i've learnt. 

In high school, i never really bothered to take part in anything. Maybe i should have. I never bothered. More precisely, too chickened to go do what i want. It was always..."I always wanted to..." but i never did. So uni is different for me, I feel different. I've gotten opportunities to be who i want to be. I've been given opportunities to be part of things. I feel belonged somehow.Who cares if I've gotten roles because i was connected to people(okay, fine. it sucks at times)I've accomplished big things, so, on my personal resume of life, i think it looks pretty good now. Yet, in awkward moments throughout the process, i longed somtimes to be acknowledged by somepeople. Selfish of me. (this post is full of irony and contradictions) 

It's over. The biggest event and concert I have ever been part of a planning committee is done. Moving to bigger things. But i can't deny things look a little gloomy and out of place.

So walking done the road from the carpark in uni wasn't as inviting as it was. Dragging my feet up the stairs was even more torturous due to aching legs.

But familiar faces seem ever as refreshing. At least, a loved one held me with loving arms today and i felt belonged in his car.

Hugs and kisses,

-Joanna, 12.22am